here with me
by supernaturalgirl87
Summary: After a major Car Crash, Sam lays in a coma,while Dean makes a full recovery, Desperate for his brother back, Dean makes a difficult choice, however whats going on inside Sams head while he sleeps?
1. 9 minutes

While I was sleeping- a Supernatural fiction by Steph

**Unknown Location**

No one would've thought he would be in this situation, the one he is in now, so many choices so little time he had to make a decision, there he was standing face to face with his foe, should he waste the last bullet on him, on his own flesh and blood. Sam Winchester your typical college student, good grades, great pyschique but unlike other students Sam Winchester had another advantages...he had fighting abilities unlike any other, why may you ask would a law student need to know all about this well... when Sammy turned 6 months old something horrific happened to his mother that changed his destiny forever, yellow eyes made his life change so his father the famous John Winchester trained him and his brother Dean like 'warriors'. so he could forfill his destiny he turned from law student to demon hunter...blah blah destiny, he didn't believe in that crap...but his family was more important to him..right? He questioned it to himself as he stood in the dingy warehouse in the middle of nowhere, his hands were shaking as he raised the Colt up aiming it up " Dean please?" he begged.

His older brother gave a light chuckle over to his baby brother, his head hanging low, half of him in darkness " there's no use Sammy, your brothers dead" he looked up at him stepping out of the darkness, that's when it hit Sam...Dean wasn't Dean anymore, just seeing those black piercing eyes sent a shiver up Sams spine.

Dean slowly stepped forward " your not really going to shot your brother are you Sam, you really think you could do that?"

Sam felt the rage inside him take over his whole body, he put his finger over the trigger staring at him " your not my brother anymore you son of a bitch I'm sorry Dean" he closed his eyes his hands shaking like mad and pulled the trigger, and electric charge came spurting out of it, Sams eyes widened as he hurried over to his brother on the ground " DEAN?" he called out.

Dean fell to his knees feeling the life being drained from him, his whole body jerked back and forth vibrating heavily, he coughed choking on his own blood, he stared up at his brother a small smile grew on his face. "Sammy?" he coughed, he held his chest falling back on the floor grimacing in pain.

Sam stared at his brother kneeling down beside him " Dean I'm sorry, it was the only way" tears were streaming down his face, he didn't understand how his brother turned on him, he thought this was all about him, he put a hand down on his brothers shoulders.

Dean stared up at Sam and frowned lying there completely frozen until he screamed out in agony " Sam its still in me..i can feel it...get yourself outta here before he comes back...please i don't want to hurt anyone else" he groaned lying on the floor in pain.

Sam shook his head and stuffed the colt down the back of his jeans " no..no I'm not leaving you" he had his head held high "your my brother"

Dean closed his eyes and looked away from him " Sam please?" he begged. "stop being a jackass and get yourself out of here"

Sam glared at his brother he hated it when he ordered him around but this time decided to listen to him " I'll come back for you ok..I promise" he took on last look at his brother and ran off down the dark corridors, he turned round a corner no idea where he was going, he stopped shaking his head looking back, he couldn't abandon him, not after Dean had risked his life countless times to save him, this time it was his turn, he had to save his brother from this cruel fate. He couldn't just leave Dean there.

He hurried back retracing his steps, the anger, the confusion in inside him it was killing he didn't understand what had just happened. As he got back to the very spot in which Dean had stumbled, a blank and rather confused look was smeared on Sams face "Dean?" he called out softly but got no reply. He began to feel a little uneasy, his hairs on the back of his head stood up as high as the empire state building, something was definitely not right. He rubbed his lips together, taking out the colt from the back of his jeans holding it up high, he heard the sound of a very strong wind howling past him.

Sam spun round fast "Dean?" he called out once more. He jumped when he heard the crashing of glass. " Dean for god sake stop it where are you?"

He got nothing still, he jumped again as his phone echoed round the room

He immediately pulled it out of his pocket and answered " where are you?"

Dean chuckled keeping his whereabouts unknown" feel like playing a game Sammy?" he asked in a sinister voice.

Sam raised an eyebrow looking around him frantically trying to find his brother" uhuh? a game..im listening"

Dean still kept hidden grinned "its called" he paused licking his lips " hide and go seek, the hunted that would be you Sammy, have to find the hunter, that would be me" he laughed " in no more that 10 minutes, if not...you die...GO" he hung up.

Sams eyes widened " No wait..Dean.." he gritted his teeth as he heard his line go dead he let out a heavy sigh

He slipped his phone back in his pocket" Dammit" he mumbled to himself heading down the dark corridors, he heard the sound of glass crashing again.

Dean whispered" 9 minutes"

Sam glared slowly walking along the long never-ending corridor, beads of sweat running down his forehead, one of the lights nearby was flickering. Sam stared up at it and raised an eyebrow, he rubbed his lips together, feeling his whole body shake, he just wanted his brother back, and he had no idea how he was going to do it.

Sam smirked to himself" you really think that's going to scare me, you really don't know me at all do you?" he fixed his eyes to the side, convinced that he had just seen someone sweep past him.

Dean spoke within the shadows still keeping himself hidden. " 8 and half minutes"

Sam glared, letting out a huge sigh, why didn't he just stay with him, he shouldn't of listened to Dean, maybe he wouldn't of changed if he had stayed, he could've got him help. He knew blaming himself wasn't going to get him anywhere, he had to think of a plan to save him, to disguise the pain he was feeling. He let out another heavy sigh hearing another crash, he followed the sound of it, deciding not to use the colt so stored it back in the back of his jeans pulling out his '45.

Dean grinned still kept hidden "no time to be playing cops and robbers, that's not the game we're playing"

Sam glared still not in the mood, he chose not to answer back, he continued heading through the maze of all the twist and turns." getting colder" he heard Dean say. He glared up turning to his left seeing a door which a sticker saying 'Warning enter at your own risk', he sniggered a little putting his hand over the door knob and reluctantly opened it, he heard the door creek as he opened it. the sweat was just running off him, he couldn't control it, he was worried for his brother.

Dean grabbed hold of the back of Sam " BOO" he chuckled slamming Sam hard against the cold cement surface of the wall." guess who?"

Sam winced as he was throw to the wall " Dean what are you playing at?" he stared up at him and widened his eyes, red stuff all over his face " Dean? What's happened to you?" he tried not to be afraid, but he couldn't restrained the shaking " Dean please" he begged.

Dean held him by the neck mimicing him " Dean please...aww boohooo" he pulled a pout "little brother, don't be afraid, I wont bite puppy" he glared at him slapping his cheek. He let him go skipping a little " roll up roll up kiddies we've got a big show for you, what's going to happen eh? will there be blood, will there be violence, will there be death?" he swooped in like a bat out of hell " you better believe it"

Sam stared at Dean as he put on his big show, he had a slight resemblance to the joker from 'Batman forever', it disturbed him deeply, he continued to stare at him moving slowly away from him. He turned round everything suddenly going white.

**The present day**

Dean awaited patiently in the hospital waiting room unsure of what to think, was he even alive, could he be saved, had he failed a big brother in protecting him, one thing was for sure there was no way he was losing him. He got up feeling fidgeting getting up finding the doctor.

The doctor came rushing round the corner bumping into Dean " ahh Mr Winchester just who I was coming to find" he paused taking a deep breath before starting with his consultation " your brothers in a stable position, but he's lost alot of blood, the crash trigged a ruptured aorta, we managed to patch him up for now" he had a sympathetic smile on his face as he spoke.

Dean stared directly at the doctor " can I see him?"

The doctor rubbed his lips together nervously smiling weakly" You have to understand that you brother, has been through a very traumatic event, he may never wake up"


	2. famous last words

Chapter 2- famous last words

Thanks for the comment guys, keep them coming! D

"I am not afraid to keep on living, i am not afraid to walk this world alone"-MCRs famous last words

**General Hospital**

Dean stared oblvious, kind of denying what was going on around him, his brother in a coma? How could it be? How on earth did it come to this? One thing was for sure, there was no way he was letting his brother go, it was his job, to protect his brother, to keep him safe.

Just seeing his baby brother like this killed him inside, knowing that right now all that was keeping him alive was a life support machine.

Dean stared up looking into those hazel eyes " Sammy?" he called out, in an almost whisper. A look of confusion was pressed against his brow, he lightly slapped his brothers cheek " come on Sammy quit playing around..wake up please?" he begged, feeling a single tear run down his own cheek " SAM" he screamed, thats when he broke down, the walls inside him crumbling,brick by brick, the never ending agony "please?" he reach over hugging his body not letting go of him "dont leave me Sam please,your all ive got".

But sam wasnt going to leave him, not yet anyway,not until he had finished the battle inside, once he defeated his inner demons, he could wake up, I mean he could wake couldnt he? There was no way, he couldnt bear the thought of being trapped in this endless nightmare. He had to keep on fighting, he had to go on for his brother.He had to wake up.

As Sam wandered through the dark tunnels of the warehouse, he got the same numbing pain in his brain, when a vision was about ot come " not now...no not now" he pleaded, but like always he cant control them. Sam collapsed against the wall, feeling himself jerk up " DEANN?" he screamed out.

_Dean intruded the outisde of what looked like a side ofthe road bar, he was now wearing a long black leather coat under some tight denim jeans and double layered shirts. He had a slight sparkle in his eye as he searched the area for other intruders. There was nobody in sight, Dean chuckled to himself kicking some rusty looking barrells,watching as they disintergrated " come on out you bitch" he called out walking at a quick pace. _

_" you cant hide forever" he said his voice more deeper than usual. " JO?" he screeched._

_Jo panted running holding her broken arm in her other hand,whimpering. She forced herself inside the garbage can huddled in a ball as she tried to calm herself down, she shivered wiht fear,breathing heavily as she heard Deans footsteps coming towards her " oh JOOOOOOO?" he called out patiently and calmly,Jo's eyes widened closing her eyes praying that maybe he would dissapear._

_Dean glared scanning the area, he hovered over the garbage can looking down " lets see whats behind door number one" he pulled off the top throwing it randomly anywhere, pulling Jo out by her hair "bullseye"._

_Jo screamed " Dean please" she begged "whats happened to you?" she cried hysterically._

_Dean smirked flicking his hair and head back, he pulled himself into a catwalk model pose " a little makeover, you like it?" he pouted._

_Jo gulped and glared at him backing away from him as fast as she possible could " your not Dean, where's Dean? what have you done to him?" she whined._

_Dean rolled his eyes " blah blah blah blah" he stared at her a blank expression on his face " since when did you give a damn about me?"._

_Jo backed away slightly " WHAT? I do, I care about you,i dont want to see you get hurt" she gazed into his eyes, slowly putting a hand on his cheek,she smiled, backing away from his touch, his skin feeling ice cold " Wheres Sam?"._

_Deans lips quivered as she mentioned Sams name " i dont know" he quickly answered her._

_" RIght ofcourse you dont, why dont i believe you..what the hell have you done to him?" she glared at him trying to be strong._

_Dean sniggered, he jerked his head to the side " back off Jo,stop meddling in things that dont concern you" he began to walk away from, realising that she wasnt worth the bother._

_Jo's jaw dropped,he stomped her feet on the ground " DEAN DONT YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME" she stormed after him._

_Dean really starting to lose his patience,pulled out his 45 and fired directly at Jo, he cleared his throat " that ought to shut her up" he pulled a wicked smile turning away letting Jo bleed to death._

Sam grabbed his forehead in pain as he began to get his focus back, he fell to his knees in agony " NO" he glared up, quickly grabbing his mobile out of his pocket calling the roadhouse immediately " come on, come on answer the phone" he mumbed his voice shaky he pulled his hair back in panic " Hello? Jo is that you".

Jo raised an eyebrow on the other end balancing the reciever on her shoulder as she wiped clean some glasses" err yea what of it?" she sighed.

Sam let out a sigh of relief laughing a little " oh thank god, Jo listen to me carefuly stay inside, dont leave the roadhouse promise me?".

Jo cocked an eyebrow leaning against the counter " umm I promise Sam are you alright you sound a little..well..panicked?".

Sam pulled a weak smile slowly walking out from the warehouse " no..no im fine but I had a vision..Dean he-" he hesistated to continue " look just stay where you are alright, im on my way to yours", with that he hung up looking around him trying to find some sort of transportation, he usually had his brother and his shiny 67 impala but with Dean in a completely different shape of mind, he was alone.

**Harvelles roadhouse**

Meanwhile back at the roadhouse Jo finished up cleaning up, wiping a damp cloth along the tables, she sighed having no idea what Sam was talking about. He was probably having one of his nervous breakdowns he tends to get when he was in a pickle.Not her problem.

The door swung open as she finshed up " We're closing up" she called out her back to whoever it was behind her, he grabbed the remander of glasses form the tables and sighed.

" Oh no im not here for pleasure missy" a smile grew wide on Deans face as he stood there still. He licked his lips.

Jo spun round jumping a little" geez Dean you nearly gave me a freeking heart attack" she spun round her hair flying through the air, she pulled a playful smile and winked a little, she raised an eyebrow " Dean? Woaw what the hell happened to you?" she stared at him in confusion, his face was plastered with the red stuff, dirt in his hair, scruffy looking.

Dean put his head to the side running his hands through his muddy hair, he glared and raised up a shotgun " im having a bad day" he sighed " its like I just cant escape from these people, always on my trail" he faintly laughed " you dont mind if I get cleaned up do ya, I reek like a toilet, dont want Sammy complaining".

Jo laughed at the comment slipping her hands in the back of her jeans she gave a nod and motioned him upstairs" bathrooms on your left up the stop of the stairs".

Dean smiled and nodded" care to escort me up there?" he requested.

Jo riased an eyebrow putting her hands on her hips, she grinned as she stared at Dean, he had that look in his eye, the one that screamed ' I want to giv you a nightthat you'll never forget', she battered her eyelash and shrugged something about Dean just wasnt right, but she couldnt put her finger on what it was " erm yea sure" she kept her distance quickly heading up the stairs she leaned against the bathroom door " here you go princess, like i told you not that fair" she winked at him pulling a cocky smile, tugging on his shirt as he approached her.

Dean grinned at her staring down at her exterior, he licked his lips and closed the bathroom door " forget that, why dont we-" he trailed off not finishing his sentence passing Jo heading towards an open door " this your room?".

Jo smirked " if you wanted to get me into my room,all you had to was ask" she slowly followed, Maybe Dean had had a change of heart all of a sudden, all this time mayeb he did have feelings for her and this was the night he was going to show it, she pulled a bashful smile and went inside " actually its my mothers room but whatever" she shut the door behind her " i knew you'd give into me eventually".

Dean turned his back to her pulling a vicious smile, he glared turned back facing Jo " get on the bed and take off your clothes".

Jo giggled silently, her legs felt like jelly " oh my-" she fanned herself feeling herself slowly turning to nothing, is this what it flet like when Dean befriended other girls, it took her a while but she slowly slipped her blouse off, she turned her head slightly noticing Dean having his perv moments "like what you see pervert?" she teased, she turned round grabbing him by his belt, the temptation to just throwing him to the bed and rip off everything on him just burned inside, she never felt like this before, it felt strange and so unlike her, its was like her darkside alter ego was eating away at her wanting to do the naughiest of things to him. Her mother would kill her if she found out. Did she care? No way she wanted Dean, she had done the first moment she laid eyes on him, she continued staring up at him lifting one of her hands up stroking his cheek," I love you" she widened her eyes " Wow ok...did I just say that out loud, you must think im a complete freak now".

Dean grinned staring down at her, mostly to that perfect chest of hers " no..i dont think your a freak" he pulled a wide grin something clicking in his head " Playtime" he jumped up biting his nails " oh WOW" he giggled " I erm..im gonna stop you there before you get all sentimental on me again, im not here for a quick fuck kay sweetcheeks, now get on the bed".

Jo raised an eyebrow sneering at him, she was utterly confused by Dean, what did he want, she grabbed her top again getting herself changed " then what huh? you just decided to lure me up here and just-" she couldnt say it " your disguisting, you make me sick" she spat at him shaking her head " im getting out of here" she pushed past Dean but was stopped by his tight grip on her arm " Dean let me go".

Dean kept a firm grip on her " Jo sweetie calm down.im not going to hurt you" he stared down at her forcing a kiss.

Jo pulled away slapping him hard in the face " dont touch me, Dean" she stared at him in disguist.

Dean grabbed her by the neck throwing her across the room " Now that really hurt my feelings" he stormed over to her a pissed off look on his face, he pulled her up twisting her arm hearing the bone crack.

Jo screamed her eyes widening " what has gotten into you?" she kicked him in the groin area running for her life. She climbed over Dean who had falling on the floor running down the stairs and straight out the door.

Dean wrathfully screamed out grabbing hold of the door pulling himself up." JO" he roared " im gonna kill her"

Sam had manged to make his way to the Roadhouse a couple of hours later hitching ride from someone, he ran out not even bothering to shut the door he ran as fast his legs could take him, heading inside " JO?" he called out searching every nook and cranny but got nothing " come on Jo" he headed upstairs through every room, finding traces of blood on the doorframe, he ran his fingers down it " still fresh" he went into panic mode running down the hallway " JO?" he heard a scream coming from outside, then a gunshot" this cant be happening" he told himself as he ran down the stairs and outside the back entrance, his eyes widened tripping a little at the sight he saw.

There lay Jo, gagging on her own blood, she was like a rotting corpse " oh god" he hurried over to her lifting her head up slightly " JO? Can you hear me?" he lightly slapped her cheek, but she was not responding, he checked her pulse" JO?" he called out again, still nothing, Jo was dead and there was nothing he could do to change that.

**General Hospital**

Dean paced around the room anxiously, unable to stare at his comotose brother. Backwards and forwards, backward and forwards, he just couldnt sit still. Why hadnt he heard anything yet, all he knew was..well.. nothing. His head was playing mind games with him, he didnt know what was real and what was not. Everything sort of passed him by, time moved swiftly on doctors and nurses passing,checking his vital signs, but still there was still no change in his condition " what am I supposed to do?"

The doctor stared down at Dean who was still sat at Sams bedside, he went opposite him " I understand your concern but he hasnt changed, I think its time we-"

Dean interupted standing up and close to the doctor sorrow in his eyes " what,pull the plug, let him go?" he shook his head looking away back at Sam " i cant, not yet, please leave me alone for a while, i want to be alone with my brother"

The doctor stared down slightly removing his spectacles,still issuing his concerns " just think about it, please?" he walked out of the room leaving the two brothers alone.


	3. The lonely soldier

Chapter 3- the lonely soldier

**General Hospital- 2 months later**

The bleeps were just an echo now..beep..beep.beep, there was no stopping it, it was like they wasnt going to let Sam pull through, it'll be be over soon wont it? The beeping would stop.

Sams body jerked up as the Doctors surrounding his bedside tried to ressuciate him " we're losing him".

Dean was forced outside " he's my brother no...I want to be with him" he tried to force his way back in but failed being stopped by the nurses, he stared worriedly over the other end. " come on" he mumbled tears streaming down his face "Sammy come on", this was just to much for him to take,he looked up at the monitor his heart rate going at least a mile a minute, it wasnt normal, for someone unconcious and in a coma, was it? He was no doctor but this shouldnt be happening, something else was going on here, the question is what, I mean why now, why was he giving up now after everything, what was so bad that his brain was telling him to let go.

**Singer Salvage Yard**

Sam ducked as a bullet came towards him, he ran towards his opponent, kicking the gun right out of theyre hands, " not so tough now are we big guy" he panted quickly wiping the sweat away from his right brow a wicked smile pressed across his face, he breathed heavily trying to get his breathe back" well come on wheres your snappy comeback" he kept his eyes alert ready for his next attack.

" I think thats enough for today" Bobby concluded as he wiped the sweat off his face.He moved towards the porch shading himself from the blazing sun.

"Getting weak in your old age Bobby" he laughed trying to cool of, he panted for air the warm yellow ball of gas shimmering in the sky" god looks like its gonna be one hot summer remind me again why we're doing this, the training?".

Bobby headed inside leaving the door open for Sam to enter after him grabbing two waters out of his mini fridge " Because you need to be ready, your brothers alot stronger now...when the time comes..you have to stop him".

Sam raised and eyebrow shaking his head as he entered Bobbys place looked different than it usual did, alot brighter due to the fact that the curtains were open. There were empty pizza boxes on the coffee table and old bottles of beer.

" we've been over this, I dont want to hurt him or fight him, he's still my brother".

" Then what Sam we cant just let him go on killing, I mean you've read the news, 18 murders arcross the country all women, each murder matching Deans description" he stared at Sam intentively " he has to be stopped Sam"

Sam slammed his fist on the side table angrilily" Dont you think I know that Bobby" he yelled back,staring him right in the eye " but he's still my brother".

Bobby shok his head " No Sam he's not, that thing out there is a murder, a cold blooded killer, your brother is dead".

Sam stard back at him in shock, he had never heard Bobby lash out like that before, that was masked by his own anger, resulting in him shoving him againt the wall " dont you say that, dont you ever say that".

Bobby gazed into Sams amber eyes " Sam look I know your angry,but we gotta be realistic here".

Sam scoffed giving him a false laugh " angry? angry doesnt even begin to cover it" he released Bobby off his grasp moving away from him, he pulled his hair back keeping his distance.

Bobby couldnt quite believe the rage that Sam had inside, he usually took things pretty well but this time, losing Dean was hitting him pretty badly. He sort of understood how he was feeling, losing someone like that must be pretty tough on the kid.There was complete silence between the two hunters.

Sam sat,slightly leaning on the back of the sofa " im sorry" he apoloized" i just want my brother back" he rubbed his lips together, looking up at Bobby through pensive eyes " I gotta go" he hurried towards the door.

" sam wait-" he cut in "please lets just-".

Sam interuppted swiging the netted door open " No, please Bobby, i just need to be alone for a while" he gave a slight nod and then walked out the door.

Bobby stared at the door shaking his head, he definately understood now why Sam was acting this way, he was afraid, afraid of loosing his only family he had left, well in his opinion he already had, the Dean Winchester he knew would never hurt an innocent person in cold blood, hurt his friends, even his family. But what was wrong?.

Sam leaned against the brickwall of Bobby's place trying so hard to keep it together " I just want my brother back" it screamed inside him, echoing into his now hollow heart, it didnt sound like his voice, it was like there was someone else inside him,talking to him.

**General Hospital**

Dean held onto the doorframe " I just want my brother back" he mumbled to himself, Sam had finally been stablised but how long before he let go again,was this what it was like for Sam when he was dying, the feeling that you were empty and alone. Sam couldve handled it but could he? At this present mment he couldnt, he had no one, no one to talk to about it, not that he would spill anything but to have someone tell him it was ok, that everything was going to be alright, thats all he wanted. He waited before going back inside taking a breather trying to calm himself down, he looked up seeing a sillouette of a man that looked exactly like Sams, his eyes widened " Sam?" he went after it pushing his way through as the crowd parted, it was him, his own brother standing before him, it spoke only one thing, just one " I just want my brother back" then dissapeared. Dean ran directly to the spot where Sam stood " no come back,Sam" he breathed heavily and smiled relieved a little to of heard his voice.

He slowly made his way back to his room, there we was still lying there comotose " Sam? I know you cant hear me,but I need you man, please you gotta pull through" he begged " how am I meant to go on with out you?".

It was that moment that Dean had lost all hope in his brother ever coming out,how was he going to go on without, he was the only family he had left. He was he last standing Winchester, "Sam..I err.. im sorry I couldnt do a better job protecting you" he proclaimed"you know i tried my best, since the day you were born, I was always looking out for you, I gave up so much" he tared at his brother " I know your around here somewhere Sammy but dont think for one minute im getting the Ouji board out, you know it isnt my style" he laughed timidly"but just know im gonna do everything i can to get you back". he flinched a little in his seat " if I had just looked at the fucking road then none of this would've-" he got cut off by someone entering the room.

" well look at you Dean Winchester, the lonely soldier".

Dean looked back slightly in shock by the voice he heard " i didnt expect to see you here".

" well word gets out fast, you know working at a bar full of hunters you hear rumours and well look they were right" she smiled at Dean " want some company".

"Look Ellen thanks but this is kinda a family thing" he turned away from Ellen almost immediately when Ellen came round towards Deans side pulling up another chair.

"Dean listen to me your not alone alright...me and Jo we're here for you", she put an hand on his shoulder " kay sweetie?".

Dean let his eyes close as he felt the warmth of her hands run through his shoulder to the rest of his cold empty shell of a body.The feeling that there was light at the end of the tunnel,somehow by that one single touch he felt like everything was going to be ok.

Ellen ruffled up his hair a little " Now listen im going to get us some coffee and something to eat I think you should come with me, doesnt look like you've moved from here in a while and well no offence but you look like death" she pulled him up.

Dean raised an eyebrow not really bothering the way he looked like, he agreed to go with her slowly heading out the door. "thank you".

Ellen smiled putting his arm round his waist " dont mention it"

* * *

Time had moved swiftly on, it was usually Dean favourite time of day the moment the sun came up, strips of orange, red and purple, even hints of green shone through the tiny window in Sams room

" no you dont get it, he was there standing there, right infront of me".

Ellen rested up against Sams bed staring over at Dean, running everything Dean had told her in her head, the crash, the aftermath, and then seeing Sam in the hallway " are you sure it was him".

Dean stared at her cluelessly " what are you kidding me? Of course it was him Ellen, it was his voice, his image, everything about it was Sam".

" But are you sure?".

Dean continued to stare getting irritated by every question she was asking " No Ellen your right wasnt him Im going crazy, I just imagined Sam calling ot me saying he needed me" he shot back at her sarcastically.

Ellen glanced up shaking her head standing up so she was at the same level as Dean " theres no need to be like that im only trying to help you".

Dean laughed maliciously " Oh your doing a bang up job on that" there was moments like these where he just wanted to punch someone of something, they just couldnt understand how he was feeling,what it was like to lose every member of their family "he was there Ellen it was him, i promise".

Ellen stared at at him sympathetically " Look sweetie I know your hurting, you want him back-" she paused looking away from him, he held her head down unsure of weather she should go on, it'll only make Dean more pissed off then he already was, but she was never one to back down, she always stood her ground, and said what she really thought.

Dean eyes were slightly wide " But-".

" But in your condition you bound to think you saw him, I mean how much have you slept in the last few days maybe you were hallunicinating him, living on false hope that he may still be around" she questioned it to herself she was unsure herself. " look I dont know what you saw, a ghost,maybe I dont know but that wasnt Sam, Sam is lying on this bed in a deep coma, one he's been in for almost 3 months now, its time to let go".

Dean hissed at her " NO...never...I can never let go,besides I think i know what it was, I think maybe..Sams subconcious was calling out to me, you know reaching out, like he's trapped and needs freeing from something bad" he rubbed his lips together his eyes fixed onto Sam"like theres a demon or sprit or something stopping him from waking up" he took Sams hand holding it gently in the palm of his hand"I could see it in his eyes Ellen, he was scared".

Ellen frowned putting his arm round Deans shoulders, she listened carefully to what Dean was telling her, she nodded " Go on..was there anything else?".

Dean nodded right back " yea" he squinted his eyes putting his head in his hands " Yea...he said I just want my brother back" he turned away afraid to even look at his own brother " those were the same words I said before I was pushed out of the room, when his monitor went off, he was there in the corridor, in his usual costume, wearing the puppy dog babyfaced smile that he always has on him" he grinned just picturing it in his mind " and then like that pooft he was gone" he glared down at Sammy he was angry at him for not even explaining where he was, weather he was ok, why he couldnt wake up? Some many questions he didnt have answers to, he hated Sam for not waking up, for being to weak, thats not the way their dad taught them, he taught them to be ruthless and cruel to whatever stood in your way, do whatever it takes to save themselves from the supernatural.

Ellen observed Dean carefully looking into his eyes " Dean are you okay?".

Dean nodded " im okay" he lied.

Ellen raised an eyebrow " I dont buy that crap, your not okay,dont lie to me".

Dean glared up at Ellen " im okay, can we drop it, I mean dontyou think its a little odd how we both said the same thing at the same time?".

Ellen shook her head trying to understand everyhting that was happening " err yea maybe...look you need to get rest up, you can bunk out at mine im sure Jo will iek the company, i'll stay with Sam for a bit, let you know if theres any change".

" NO" he responded rapidly "no way im not leaving him" he protested, he bit his bottom lip " Ellen please, let me stay"

Ellen pulled a sympathetic smile and nodded in agreement " alright.but you need to sleep.more than just two hours, at least five, get your strength up" she gave a nod strokingthe top of his head " Sammy will be fine Dean I promise".

end of chapter notes: So this one kinda dragged a bit, im trying to slow the whole storyline down slightly dont want to push on too quickly! Feedback would be greatly appreciated, and thank to everyone who has commented so far, expect some bloody violence in the next couple of chapters.Peace out!


	4. All the kings men

Chapter 4- all the kings men

Author notes: sorry for the extreme lateness of this chapter,ie had alot going on at the moment but it here, and should hopefully get chapter 5 done soon too.

Singer Salvage Yard- Same day

Sam sat on the porch throwing random bits of paper to the ground the floor board creeked as he tapped his feet along them, he had been miserable all day since that conversation with Bobby, but didnt he see he couldnt just waste Dean like that even if he had gone completely starkers, there had to be someway of saving him of prevent this awful fate he had chosen for himself. If he could only understand what was going through his head then he maybe able to help him, pysciatrist maybe "No way" he told himself "exorcism?" he questioned,well he had to do something, someone or something was inside Deans body corrupting his soul he knew that much. There was so much going through Sams head he couldnt contain it all inside him, it was like trying to stuff a suitcase full clothes and you had to sit ontop of the case for them all to fit in, his head was full of questions, so many questons he didnt have answers to, would he be able to save him?

He headed inside deciding it was time to break the ice " Bobby?" he called quietly, he heard a grunting from the kitchen, he slowly went through and saw Bobby leaning on the counter " Bobby im sorry for the way I acted earlier"

Bobby looked up at him" Sam its ok,I understand"

"No but Bobby I shouldnt be taking out on you" he settled himself down back in the living room, just sitting on the soft cushions on Bobbys sofa." your not the psychopath going around killing around in sight" he sighed angrily sitting, leaning forward hearing the radio in the distance. He leaned back in his chair " i just cant believe he did it, he actually killed her, I havent even been able to pluck up the courage to tell Ellen,she'll be devasted"

" I know but we'll get to her afterwards now you have to focus on finding and stopping Dean" he responded." now why dont you go get yourself cleaned up i'll go out grab us a bite to eat yea?"

Sam sighed not exactly enhuasistic about it " sure whatever" he fiddled around with a broke bit of wood on the table throwing it to ground as Bobby walked out. He was comtemplating weather or not to just get up and run for miles and miles, but he couldnt run away from his problems regardless of how bad they were.

_" we have just had a report that a young man, approximately 6 foot medium build has __barricaded __himself inside a 7/11off Lousianna with two hostages, one is said to be female, we'll updaye you once we have more news"_

Immediately Sam forced himself up, he ran out Bobby already back from his trip of retrieving food " Bobby I need to borrow your car, somethings happened"

Bobby had half a chicken breast in his mouth " but I got chicken"

Sam glared up " not now..i have to go..later ok?" he started the engine " i gotta save him" with that he drove off.

**7/11, Lousianna**

Dean stared up a twinkle in his eye " dont worry everyone it'll all be over soon" he sniggered " oh yess it will" he put his head to the side, scratching the side of his head with his gun " hmm..so whos first?" he widened his eyes laughing insanely.

A girl looked up her hold body trembling inside, she was blonde, just the way Dean liked it, slim,slender a girly girl you know " please dont do this, what do you want?"

Dean gave her a seductive smile as he turned to look at her " oh theres alot of things i want sweetie, fame, fortune and a nice big chunky cookie" he batted his eyelashes " oh and a better,cuter ass" he winked.

The girl smirked still trembling in fear " actually I...err...looks kinda nice as it is" he laughed nervously.

Dean raised an eyebrow " well you stay where you are missy i'll reward you later gorgeous" he winked at her again and looked around him, the scent of the fear surrounding the room, it was intoxicating like the feeling you get when you slip into a deep sleep.

Sam drove at the speed of light, speeding down the highway as fast as Bobbys van could take him, it wasnt exactly the best of cars,but it got him from A to B at least he just hoped he could get there in time to stop Dean. He wasnt afraid, there was something inside him telling him, screaming to him, end it...save your brother, you can do it. " I can do it..yeah right?" he told himself" dont kid yourself,you cant stop him, he's older and stronger than you are" he continued driving turning on the radio bon jovi blasting out. He scratched the top of his head holding onto a revolver...he didnt want to use it but he would if he had to..desperate times call for desperate measures that was his motto.

The drive seemed to be neverending, all the winding roads and dirt tracks, so many twists and turns, he skidded as he saw blue and red flashing from all angles " oh great...just what I need" he cleared his throat fixing his hair in the front mirror, then pulled out a fake I.D. from his jacket, he took a deep breath pushing his way throug hte very curious crowd " wow well did always like to make a scene" he mumbled to himself " exucse me?" he asked one of the FBI agents.

A slightly tallish, scrawny looking agent spun round, he grunted " what you want kid huh...can you please step back" he pushed him back away from the barrier blocking the general public from snooping.

Sam pulled a small smile " sorry sir but i cant do that..im with the SWAT team, im the leader of this operation, now im in charge" he flashed him his badge and pulled a small smile " so Agent Simmons if you would just like to step aside I have this under control"

Agent Simmons raised an eyebrow looking Sam up and down not exactly convinced at first " SWAT team eh? wheres your back up?"

Sam sighed giving him a serious look " I dont need a team" he pushed his way through " Winchester isnt it, he's be on the FED's database since ST Louis, but are you really sure you're going to be able to capture him this time I mean.."

" we wont fail this time...we've learnt from our mistakes...failure is not an option" he grinned " well I'll let you get to work sir, see if you can straighten him out"

Sam gave a nod " thank you" he quickly wandered off as fast ashe could, he defiantely wasnt Dean, he never knew how to handle those type of situations, pretending to be someone he wasnt, the confidence jsut washed over him like a wave crashing over a cliff, it would never be the same again, he snuck into the back holding the revolver up. He passed a tight passage way which was full of boxes of stock, he gulped hearing whispers coming from one of the rooms, the whispers suddenly turned to a scream.

Sam ran as fast as he could and kicked the door down full of force, he held his gun out " Stop what your doing right now" he ordered.

Dean looked up licking his lips blood smeared round his lips " Sammy? Is that you?" he grinned murderously " i'll be right with ya".

Sams lips quviered seeing his brother taking advantage, pretty much torturing an innocent girl, she had a slight resemblance to theyre mother.

The girl screamed again being chained against a table nearby " stop it please" he whimpered blood trickling down her forehead, she looked up at Sam helplessly.

Dean sat on top of her licking his lips again running a blade down her neck " let the blood flow"

Sam gritting his teeth " move away or I shoot"

Dean laughed looking back " no you wont, Sammy you have a conscious,a big caring heart, you've got it in your head that I can be saved,you wont want to harm me"

Sam raised an eyebrow putting his head to the side" you wanna bet" he pulled the trigger, the bullet hitting Dean in the right shoulder." Im sorry" He hurired over to the girl as he watched Dean fall to the floor, he found the key and unlockedthe handcuffs" go on get outta here before he wakes up, theres cops outside ok, i'll take care of him." He looked back the girl running for her life, holding her rags for clothes as best as she could, he shook his head stunned to beleive that his brother was the cause of all of this drama. He pulled himself up turning his brother onto his back, he cringed a little seeing the state he was in.

Dean pulled a small smile chuckling to himself " good boy Sammy" he opened his eyes grabbing Sam by the neck throwing him to the ground "you just like to ruin my games dont you?" He kicked Sam off him and in the speed of light chained Sam up in the same place as his previous victim. " and all the kings men could put him together again"


	5. in the life of Dean Winchester

Chapter 5-In the life of Dean Winchester

It stung, nipping and ripping him apart inside, his skin crumbling into ashes as the bullet inside the cracked shell that he called his wasted space of a body, the hard metal indented in his interior. Blood was just seeping out like a tap, it just wouldnt stop"son of a bitch" cursed Dean as he tried to clean himself up grabbing a bottle from a metal table, he took a swig of it heading over to another table"Morning gorgeous" he smirked lightly slapping his brothers cheek " nice nap?"

Sam glared up " bite me" he strugged to break free" where are we, this isnt where you knocked me out?" he sighed looking up at him knowing he wouldnt answer " so what now Dean huh? you going to torture me like you've done everyone else?" he kept his eye on him,knowing far well that Dean was very unpredicatable even when he wasn't pyscho.

Dean laughed a little " well as fun as that sounds, I got other things I could be doing than interogatting you" he licked his lips together" its killing time" he jumped up all giddily on the spot. " and I cant have you getting in the way of my plans" he did a little tap dance on the spot and laughed " thats its baby lotsa plans"

Sam shook his head " what happened to you man?" he ran things over in his head trying to come up with a conclusion as to why his brother was behaving this way" I dont get it, I mean pretty little blondes i thought you liked to use them as one night stands, not kill them, and since when did you ditch the job, protect and serve...what dad taught us"

Dean pouted pacing up and down the small,slightly clustrophobic operating room.He chuckled lightly "and where did you get that idea from Sammy hmm.. you think im the perfect little angel always following orders? Those days are over ok..dads dead...that bitch is dead..I can do what I want"

Sams eyes widened, he couldnt quite believe what he was hearing " Do not call mom that..dont you dare" he raised his voice "she was a good person"

Dean burst out laughing hysterically nodded, his nod turned to a shake he pressed up against Sam " how would you know?" a serious look on his face he smiled weakly " you were 6 months when she died and good thing to, she would've wrecked you life too"

Sams eyes remained wide trying to figure out what was going on " Dean what the hell are you talking about?" This was another moment where he never understood what was going on his brothers head. He watched him vigilantly, this was the first time since he appeared in this nightmare that was actually seeing a softer side to him " Dean what is it?"

Dean turned away from him, biting his tongue "i dont want to talk about it" he leaned against the counter behind where he was keeping Sam hostage, gritting his teeth.

Sam tugged on the chain that was attached from the operating bed to his wrist pulling an artifical smile" well thats too bad Dean, but im gonna have to get a little more than I dont want to talk about it, you've got me in lock down here your doing all these things and I dont understand why, now talk" he demanded.

Dean spun round facing him " she never wanted me she...used me as her fucking ragdoll to play with OKAY" he felt the rage inside him slowly dissapearing inside him, his body felt cold an empty " mom and dad had a huge arguement...she accused him of having an affair and they...they started going at each others throats..i waited upstairs in the nursery hearing every word that was coming out of theyre mouths...it was horrible, I mean for a child to hear abuse like that I erm.." Dean stared down leaning against a counter away from Sam " mom was going to leave, pack her bags and just leave"

**October 2nd 1983, Lawerence Kanas**

_Dean sat on the edge of the small stool leaning to to the door of the nursery, he looked back to Sam's cot and smiled seeing his baby brother sound asleep." its ok Sam,i'll watch over you". He lightly sighed he pulled open the door slightly ajar, hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, his mom coming up, red in the face._

_Mary pulled her hair back " unbelievable" she pulled the door of her bedroom open wide and stormed inside screaming at the top of her lungs._

_Dean hesitantly entered after her, he poked his little head round the corner and weakly smiled "are you ok?" he asked quietly as he pulled on his shirt._

_Mary quickly looked up" not now Dean...go watch your brother"_

_Dean looked down to the floor "he's sleeping, i just checked" he took a deep breath hesistating to speak further" I just wanted to see if you were ok, I heard you fighting..and-"_

_Mary screamed at the top of her voice again while paking her bags " JUST SHUT UP... im ok, I just need to get out of this crazy house" she looked down now rambling on to herself " always choose the dickheads, why do I always do it" she threw something to the wall._

_Deans eyes widened backing away" Mom stop it your scarying me"_

_Dean had never seen his mother like this ever, he thought they were happy, that he had the perfect little brady bunch type of family, but just seeing his mother in this state made Dean wonder, was the smiles and kissing just a way of masking the problems that they really shared, he didnt really understand what was happening. He stared at his mother and fell backwards as something came flying towards him, it hit him at full force, it came as a shock to him at first,it didnt quit hit him until he was crouched down on the ground huddled in a ball, he sat there his whole body shaking, so many questions he didnt understand, he just didnt, didnt she love him? _

_He glanced up at her noticing she didnt even pay any attention " oh he'll pay for lying to me like that...thinks I dont know I didnt even want this family to begin with"_

Dean dropped his head to the ground " she just didnt care she just walked away leaving a traumatized child alone"

Sams eyes were now wider than the sky, he couldnt believe it he just couldnt bear the thought of his own mother just abandoning her son in need" No I dont believe you she wouldnt do that, she loves you"

Dean fakely laughed " right...she didnt care Sam, she left me" he shrugged "i mean she stayed, eventually made up with him, just so I wouldnt tell dad what a wonderful mother shes been" he rolled his eyes. " dont you get Sammy she didnt want us"

Sam stared down " Dean im sorry you think that but-" he stared at him, he still couldnt believe it. "Even so, what your doing..hurting these woman, they dont derserve it"

Dean glared up" they all deserve it, every one of them" he took a huge gulp " They never went through the pain I went through, thinking your own mother hated you"

Sam raised an eyebrow " and what about Jo huh? Did she deserve to die?"

Dean laughed thinking back to that very moment " no..she just pissed me off, I mean come on dude the girl doesnt know when to shut up,OH I love you Dean, I care about you Dean, I jsut want to help you Dean" he muttered mockingly"ugh it makes me want gag so I put her out of her misery"

Sam cringed looking down just remembering seeing her lying there all bloody and dead like that.

" Yours brothers a screw up, thats just what he does, gets in the way of peoples problems and fucks it all up"

Sam laughed " you really think that Dean,I mean you've save my life...over and over, you've sacrificed everything for me... your a hero your just to blind to see it right now...I just want my brother back" he glared up at him " wheres my brother?"

Dean grinned walking over to the operating table leaning over him " im your brother"

**General hopsital**

Dean and Ellen arrived back at the hospital " Look Ellen I appreciate you staying with me but really am fine"

Ellen gave Dean the mother look " sweetie dont give me that...you dont have to put on a brave face around me, i'll understand if you want to just let it all out" she put his arm round his waist "Im here for you Dean"

Dean weakly smiled as he walked along the busy corridors of the general hospital " thanks" he widened his eyes, when he approached Sams room, there were doctors surrounding his bedside " What happened?"

One of the nurses directed him out " Sir you cant be in here"

Dean pushed his way back inside " im his brother, what happened?" he asked forefully he couldnt take his eyes off him, the haunting image burned inside him " Dont you dare leave me" he didnt even get an answer as to why his brother was failing.

Ellen put her hand over her mouth slowly hovering over Dean's shoulder she placed a hand on the back of him rubbing his back gently knowing this must be hard on him." come on Sam..fight it" she prayed.

Dean just stared trying so hard to be brave about this, but yet again he just couldnt keep it together, Sam was the most important person in his life,he bawled his eyes out " he cant die...he cant"

Ellen put her other hand on her chest " i'll pray for him" Ellen always did have faith and I mean good for her, someone had to think on the positive side, think that there was good in the world.Not like there was any right now.

**Abandoned Asylum**

Dean gazed into his eyes smelling the scent of fear on Sam, he grinned pushing himself off him wandering around a little " my mother was a witch, she was burned alive".

Sam glared struggling as he tried to break free not taking his eyes off his brother.

Dean smiled sinisterly " heartless little bitch for the tears i cried...you know-" he held up the knife he had had" I just wanted us to be family, a proper one you know like the ones in the movies where everyone gets happy ending and she ruined it, the yellow eyed demon probably punished her for what she did to me"

Sam raised an eyebrow lookig at his brother cluelessly " you have got to be kidding me Dean...she was punished for getting to close, the YED wanted me, it has nothing to do with you" he raised his voice a little.

Dean turned and stared at Sam, the whites of his eyes red as rubies " your right" he smiled fakely.

Sam gritted his teeth and clenched his fists afraid of what would happen next, the awkward long pause giving Sam an uneasy feeling, he couldnt bear to say anything else, just looking at him sent shivers up his spine.

Dean continued to stare " but it could be" he dashed towards him, making Sam jump out of his skin, he didnt even blink as Dean came behind him putting the knife to his throat " hmm-" he laughed furiously " she didnt just hurt me emotionally you know"

Sam stared ahead not moving, not making a sound as he felt the coldness of the blade that was pressed steadily against his neck, something inside him knew that Dean was still in there, the Dean that he knew and loved.

Dean cocked his head to the side running the blade across Sams tender neck " she hurt me psychially too" he stared down slightly feeling tears welling up in his eyes " but you know..we wont go into that, its just too bad to even describe, the screaming, the eternal agony... rape and torture and my friend misery" he looked down and smiled sniggering "Im sorry but I cant do this just the look on your face right now, man you should see it" he slapped Sams cheek laughing excitedly " ow mommy your hurting me bohoo" he shook his head laughing still wiping his eyes from the tears.

Sam glared up at Dean " your sick you know that?" he winced staring at him " you really think this is all a joke dont you? Your that fucked up Is this all just a game to you?"

Dean clapped his hands together " oooo bam score" he grinned "good guess Sammy me boy your right this is all just a game, but I had you going for a while did I?"

Sam laughed fakely trying to break himself free " I dont even know you anymore"

Dean smirked" you really thought mom hurt me?" he taunted"your so gulliable and naive, thats what I love about you baby brother, so innocent" he knelt down beside him turning his attention back to the knife in his hand holding it tightly in his hand he had that look in his eyes that he was ready to play another deadly game.

Sam however stepped in before he could do anything, there was no way he was letting Dean get away with this anymore he smirked " Go to hell" with all the energy he had left in him he raised his legs up kicking Dean in the chest.

Dean felt himself fly into counter opposite crashing into whatever was on the counter.

Sam backward rolled off the operating table his hands still tied together, he hurried towards what looked like a chainsaw using the blade to cut himself free.

Dean stirred eventually coming to " OK now you've really pissed me off" he hissed and snarled crouching down on all fours.

He quickly picked himself up facing his brother a wicked smile on his face.

Sam scowled at his brother panting heavily "i wont let you hurt anyone else Dean..it ends tonight"

Dean screamed out at him charging towards him he felt himself being throwing to the opposite side of the room again " quit doing that" he exclaimed as he turned back round " you wont hurt me Sam im your brother, im all you've got" he widened his eyes " you really want your brother back, let it go accept Dean for who he is"

Sam held a gun to Dean widening his eyes aiming it directly at him not quite understandingwhat Dean was telling him " Im sorry Dean..but its ends tonight" without even thinking he pulled the trigger.

Minutes had past and Sam stared down frozen, he had killed his brother...Dean was dead.


	6. it ends tonight

Chapter 6- it ends tonight

previously...

Sam scowled at his brother panting heavily "i wont let you hurt anyone else Dean..it ends tonight"

Dean screamed out at him charging towards him he felt himself being thrown to the opposite side of the room again " quit doing that" he exclaimed as he turned back round " you wont hurt me Sam im your brother, im all you've got" he widened his eyes " you really want your brother back, let it go accept Dean for who he is"

Sam held a gun to Dean widening his eyes aiming it directly at him not quite understanding what Dean was telling him " Im sorry Dean..but its ends tonight" without even thinking he pulled the trigger.

Minutes had past and Sam stared down frozen, he had killed his brother...Dean was dead.

**7/11 Warehouse, Lousianna**

The reality of the situation didnt hit Sam straight away, his head pounding, his heart thumping hard in his chest " Dean?" his lips quivered as he spoke " Dean?" he repeated his voice a little louder. Panic plastered over his face he felt his whole body turning into ash as he fell to floor besides Deans lifeless body, he knew that Dean didnt mean the things he had done, he was just troubled, confused and angry about theyre chosen path the hunters life.

" Dean"

He got no response, which was more than likely to happen he was dead there was nothing that was going to wake him up now...nothing..not a spark,worry taking over Sam as he rocked his brother back and forward " what have i done...oh my god..what have I done..Dean...wake up please wake up im sorry" he squinted his eyes, everything becoming blurry like he was falling into a big black hole and he was never going to stop falling, thats when it hit him, he found himself screaming Deans name in what looked like a hospital, he looked around him freaked out, unsure of what just happened.

The room was small, but spaceous enough to move " Dean?" he called out again but nothing..maybe he was dead maybe he actually had killed his brother and it wasnt a dream..what if he actually had killed him and this was the aftermath, he was found and rescued from the 7/11 and Deans body was lying in a morgue somewhere about the be cremated, he shivered at the thought of it but it was true, he had killed the one and only thing he had left in his family, the one person who regardless of his behavior,loved him.

_as long as im around nothing bads going to happen to you._

He began to feel colder, a definate chill running down his spine, where the hell was everyone he thought to himself, did they not know he was concious, his thoughts were cut off when he heard his brothers voice echoing down the corridor, with another familar voice " Ellen" he smiled " so it was all just a dream..a very very bad dream". He rested his head on the pillow, suddenly getting hit by the worst, most excruiting pain in his head like one of those freaky ass visions he gets from time to time the memory of him shooting his own brother haunting him " NO...NO...no more...please no more..DEAN...im sorry"

Dean came crashing through the door " SAM?" he widened his eyes dropping his glass to the floor " OH my god your awake?" he watched his brother in awe confused at first as to what was happening to him.

"IM sorry...I didnt mean it...wake up...you cant be dead..Dean" he whimpered tossing and turning.

Dean hurried round him trying to restrain him from doing any damage to himself " shh Sammy its ok..im right here im not dead" he pull him towards him embracing him " Sam come on talk to me!"

Sam mumbled something, Dean was unable to understand it,it was all getting too much for him now " Sam...Sammy?" he called out to him slapping him in the face to try and wake him.

Sam shot up gasping and gagging for breath " Dea-" he panted heavily staring up coughing uncontrollable the pain in his lungs a little exhilerating for his body to handle " Dean...I killed..you..im-" he coughed again unable to string a single sentence together.

Dean pulled his brother into a hug " its ok Sammy I got you, im right here"

**General Hopspital  
a few hours later**

Sam lay upright on the long metallic hospital bed the feeling of relief washing over him It was just a dream, thats all a horrible dream that made him believe his brother was a crazed lunatic kiling people.

Deans face was almost reminicent of his younger brother " so your saying I was a murderer, like for real? Like Freddy Krueger".he smirked finding it a little amusing at first until he saw the distressed look on his little brothers face.

Sam nodded.

Dean laughed awkwardly and nervously unsure of how to take it, him a murderer? There was just no way well not in reality anyways "wow ok thats just..i mean killing people for the sake of it, did I enjoy it?"

Sam nodded feeling it all coming back to him " yea you did, you took pleasure in causing others pain...especially me" he looked right into his brothers eyes a look of hate and pain in his own. "you even accused mom of abusing you as a child, saying that she was the cause o your illing spree..you were messed up Dean, more worse than the shapeshiter in St Louis"

Dean shook his head " yea but that wasnt me remember, that was just someone who stole my pretty face, anyways thats beside the point" he let out a heavy sigh " it was just dream, im not really like that and you know it"

Sam felt himself losing control of his own emotions again the barriers holding up the walls to his thoughts were slowly crashing down " Do I? I mean think about Dean you've always been a little on edge since mom and dad die-"

" I wouldnt kill anyone just for the pleasure of it Sam, only to those who are asking for it, theres a difference" he interjected " I mean im not a murderer Sam" he raised his voice a little.

Sam glared slightly at his older brother " I never said you were Dean, but in my head while I was asleep, thats all I saw, the freddy kruger version of you and I dont know Dean,you do take pleasure in killing dont deny it, ive seen what your like while we're hunting"

"oh come on you cant be serious...we're hunting its what I have to do, you know be brutal make tough painful choices, you know saving people,hunting things family business, hell you do it too, shall I go round calling you a murderer?" he shot back.

Sam again gave his brother an angry look " dont try turn this round on me Dean, please, I just dont understand why your the way you are, I mean sure when I was locked up in that insane nightmare you were off your rocker but parts of you were still there, I could see it" he paused rubbing his lips together rattling his brain trying to rememeber back. " I mean I think I did,I just dont understand you, I mean you dont open up to anything, you pretend everything is alright when it clearly is not, you put your heart and soul on the line just to protect me, well let me tell you something Dean your not god,you dont get to make those choices for me, im old enough to take care of myself" he leaned in closer wanting to continue, there was so much he wanted to tell his brother but somehow couldnt find the words to say it.

" you know what Dean...just go away...leave me alone" he turned away from his brother " I cant even look at you right now"

" Sam I-"

Sam glared up at his older brother " just go" he demanded giving his brother a threatening glare. _" accept your brother for who he really is"_

Dean fixed his eyes upon Sam seeing the pain and discomfort in his eyes, he had seen this look before many times when he was pissed off or upset. He laughed fakely " Fine" he retorted hurt that he was shutting him out. " i'll just leave you to your thoughts" he hesitated to leave at first but eventually forced himself to get out of there. He slammed the door after him looking up seeing Ellen " we're getting out of here...or well I am"

Ellen stared at Dean cluelessly a little confused as to why all of a sudden Dean just wanted to ditch his brother who had been in a deep coma for what 3 months or so "But Sam-" she turned back to the room before getting interuppted by Dean.

"Sam can look after himself"

Ellen stared at Dean cluelessly " you honestly think so, come on be reasonable Sam's just lost,confsued, he's just come out form a deep sleep how else do you want him to be ,he's been without his brother for so long, he just doenst know what do or say, so he pushes you away, he means nothing by it, he's adjusting back into reality"

Dean glared putting his foot down on the peddle speeding up hcaging hte subject a little " we never should've gone on that hunt, its just jacked everything up" he felt a moment of rage, he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs until the windows smashed but seemed the wrong place and wrong time, he needed to keep it together and show Ellen that he wasnt beyond breaking point "I would never of crashed the car, I wouldnt of nearly got Sam killed,Sam told me we should stay another night...but no I wouldnt listen and now look whats happened"

Ellen raised an eyebrow " is this the part where you blame yourself for what happened?".

Dean responded by just staring at her, he bit his bottom lip turning away as fast as he could " it is my fault, why else would he dream that im some pyscho killer, you know I killed Jo dont you...your one and only daughter... Sam doesnt trust me..dont think he ever will now, everytime he looks at me he's just going to see the killer in me and not the loving caring brother he's always known...one job...look out for Sammy,keep him safe" he weakly smiled throwing Ellen the keys to her car, since his was in some salvage yard.

Ellen caught the keys unlocking the door getting in not bothering to reply back.

" maybe I am just a killer"

END OF PART ONE!


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